Voices Against Change
The High Cost of Doing Nothing
About a year ago I took a leap of faith and decided to hire a coach to help me figure out my next steps. For months I had been feeling restless and vaguely dissatisfied, and had been through a whole series of big life transitions. Our work together has been extremely helpful. I have learned a great deal and the timing on our partnership was perfect (when the student is ready, the teacher appears).
For many years I dreamt about sharing my story - I thought it would help people find solutions to their own challenges; but it remained a dream. My coach and I had been doing some work around understanding what would feel meaningful and valuable for me going forward. About 3 months after we started, I had this idea to write personal content and share it via blogging. The heart racing excitement I felt around the idea was quickly followed by: it was going to be too much work, where would I begin, who even cares, this will take forever, who do you think you are, who would read it? As a result, as I began the writing, procrastination was a major hurdle.
Life is full of projects (personal and professional) that require persistence, so I was familiar with that. None of them came close to the personal work I had to do to keep the momentum on this project. The naysaying voices in my head were loud, persistent, critical and undermining. We all have these voices and they are powerful; until you start to shine a light on them, you often cannot even hear them.
As I worked on the content over the following months, and discussed the hurdles with my coach, what she really helped me to understand was that the voices of negativity were extra loud because the project was both deeply important and deeply personal to me. In fact, it was unlike anything I had ever done and felt risky down to my bones. And yet, I also felt like it was what my heart and gut wanted me to do. And when I did work on the content, I felt flow and ease - a sure sign I was doing something that was good for me.
One of the most helpful and powerful question she asked one day was: what is the cost of NOT working on the project?
I reflected and came up with:
That I would be saying no to any growth or learning that follows;
That by playing it safe, I would continue to feel stuck and frustrated;
That I would be stifling my voice - which I know in my heart is powerful - I see it with my WW coaching work;
That an untold story has zero impact;
That by avoiding the risks associated with an important project, I would also be losing out on all the chances for success and opportunities that could follow.
I love the simplicity of this question. I love the way that it will help shut down sabotaging self talk. I love the way it can clarify what is most important to you. The answers that I gave to that question made it very clear that I needed to keep plugging away.
The voices still show up. I am just better at recognizing them for what they are. They will undermine my progress and growth if I let them, so now I talk back to them, I challenge the validity of what they say, and understand that often it is simply old patterns showing up so that I can keep practicing new ways of thinking.
Are you living your life in inertia and safety? Does your self talk keep you stuck? Avoiding discomfort or challenge? What are the changes that you know you need? Are you terrified to get started because of what may happen? Think about what you are missing out on by NOT making the change. Have faith that if it feels important to you, the discomfort is worth it.
Take one small step.
