Do What You Can…
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash
My son got married on Saturday.
The experience was simultaneously singular and universal. Universal in that people’s children get married - the transition that parents and their children go through for this occasion are significant: joyous, emotional, and a step into a new phase of life. Singular in that this was MY son’s wedding; that he is getting married to THIS particular lovely young lady; that THIS wedding is unique in the way it looks and feels; that the group of people gathered for THIS wedding will not be duplicated at any other.
There is a lot of lead up to weddings, and more moving parts than when I got married nearly 32 years ago. I was grateful to so many who made long trips to join in the celebrating - many of whom I have not seen in years. We had so much fun and our hearts were full. It was lovely meeting the extended family of the bride, and seeing all the young people at the wedding enjoying the party and supporting the bride and groom.
But, what I know now, that I did not even 5 years ago, is that these big events, even when celebratory, take a toll on my body. Much of this impact has to do with how I manage my emotions, but also that I have limited or no access to my regular “coping mechanisms” for managing stress: finding a few minutes to walk, choosing food that works for me, or having some quiet time in the morning. I was unable to do any of this. There was rain, there was a small hotel room, there was a packed schedule, there were friends and family to see, there were logistics that needed tending to.
The daily habits I keep are not just helpful; these habits keep me together mentally and physically. When I most needed them, they were unavailable. So, I did what I could in the circumstances. I counted my 10 minute walk to Starbucks for morning coffee as my “exercise.” I stepped outside during an event or two and took some deep breaths for “quiet time.” I laid on the hotel bed for 20 minutes one afternoon and watched mindless television. I chose to consume the plain foods that work for my body instead of the richer options. I limited my alcohol and stuck with wine.
There is a saying to do what you can, where you are, with what you have. I use this as a sort of mantra frequently, but it is especially helpful during a time like this past weekend. A few days of being subject to a schedule entirely of out of your hands may feel challenging (it did for me), but there will often be times like this. We need to actively remind ourselves that there is ALWAYS something that you can do to take care of yourself in the face of challenges. And, when you need to go along with the program for the greater good (so to speak) - letting go of your own rigid ideas of what YOU need is a helpful place to be.
This is an excellent strategy for this holiday season that is now creeping in. When you are in a situation that feels challenging, ask yourself - what can I choose within the parameters of this very moment that will work for/assist/support me?
