Date Night
Photo by Hitesh Dewasi on Unsplash
It’s still important.
When our youngest left for college in 2013, my husband and I decided to go out on Wednesday night each week for a date night. We did it to break up the week, help us adjust to having no children at home, and to have something a little different to look forward to.
There is a great deal of talk about the importance of date night, of putting the couple first, of modeling to your children that your relationship to one another is important. That is all true, but when our children were living in our house we probably only got out about once a month until they were old enough to stay alone. Getting a babysitter was hard (no texting yet - just phone calls!) and the effort to go out often felt like too much. Finally they were old enough to stay alone, so we went out more, and then before we knew it they were driving, and their friends were driving and THEY were out, so we stayed home in case they needed us.
My children are now 28 and almost 27 - and my husband and I still go out almost every Wednesday night. I was reflecting on this last Wednesday evening as we walked to a neighborhood place, sat outside to eat and enjoyed a relatively warm evening. This is now part of our routine. Even during the pandemic we would get takeout on Wednesday night and sit in the dining room instead of the kitchen to eat. It helped.
The challenges to a married couple with children at home are clear - you can see them and feel them every single day. When the children leave home, I think there are just as many challenges but they are more insidious. You have a lot more time together, but it is very easy to drift apart. There is a reason that couples divorce when their children leave for college - they feel like they have nothing in common BUT the children, and their lives WITH the children. I can see how easily it could happen. Along with this transition of your children leaving home, we are often simultaneously having more challenges with our aging bodies, our aging parents, and work responsibilities that are wearing us out.
Weeknights can feel so monotonous. Dinner, television, bed. There is time and space to talk, but often not the energy or desire to match. Going out seems to take care of that - a change in environment can make a big difference. This small thing that we started 7 years ago has become a big thing - it goes a long way toward helping us feel connected to one another. We talk. I feel like I have my husband’s attention and that we have a little space to talk about the more substantive issues in our lives.
What is important to you needs to be made a priority. Just like a healthy body, a healthy relationship requires consistent effort. Our standing date night is sometimes more fun than other times, but by making a point of going out every Wednesday, we have a chance to connect and show one another our shared commitment.
