Keep Showing Up

Photo by Drew Beamer on Unsplash

Inner and outer accountability…we need both.

We all have forms of inner accountability (where we meet our own expectations) and outer accountability (where we meet the expectations of others).  Both forms of accountability allow us to be excellent at getting things done, but the real key to success is to understand how to keep the two working to your advantage, to understand when you need help by getting outer accountability, and when you are good on your own.

I respond fairly well to both inner and outer expectations, meaning that I am self motivated in a whole range of areas, but I also respond very well to structure and rules imposed on me from external sources.

When I worked at WW (formerly Weight Watchers) I had the best of both worlds.  The outer piece: I had a schedule, a set job description, and clear guidance about what was expected.  The inner piece: me wanting to show up as a professional in appearance and demeanor, me wanting to offer a worthwhile experience to members, and more than anything I wanted to encourage and support others by sharing my story and engaging in a real and approachable way.  

I have no regrets about leaving WW, but the timing of that decision in the midst of covid meant that ALL of the outer accountability that I had went out the window.   We all lost our schedules, the way our jobs used to look, our freedom of movement, our deep and surface social connections.  When our outer structures disappear we may be left at loose ends.  If you have no reason to go out and therefore no reason to get dressed - it is much easier to overeat, overdrink, lay around in sweats, and to feel generally unmotivated.

I have been struggling to gain momentum in my self constructed work life.  I am in the messy middle and I have no idea where I will be a year from now.  I am far enough along to know that I want to and need to keep going, but not so far that I can actually see what it is going to look like.  I KNOW that the path towards health coaching is for me, but day to day?  It still feels pretty unclear and overwhelming.

Which leads me to my point for this week - I am far enough along in my journey to understand that when my old eating habits start to show up, that something, somewhere else in my life is going on, and as I was journaling the other day I finally figured it out.  I am going to be a health coach,  but without any outer accountability and lots of thoughts of uncertainty and overwhelm around all the steps involved, my inner accountability is faltering: I am eating more to pass the time, and procrastinating generally to distract myself from these uncomfortable thoughts.  

Now that I recognize the stumbling block, I know what I need to do; get those inner and outer accountability muscles firing again.  First, keep doing what I am doing...my coursework, my weekly writing, my reading and listening.  Additionally, I need to take small concrete steps in pursuit of the big picture.  Give myself time and structure to brainstorm.  Think deeply about how best to use my unique skills and voice to help clients.  Address the technical piece that will come along with the business.  Seek support, clarity and accountability with the help of my life coach.

And...I need to get back to eating in the way that works for me.  Because what I also KNOW is that mastery in one area feeds mastery in others (especially something as critical as the way we eat).  Everything affects everything.